Noisy Neighbours

My neighbours are building an ark.  At least I think it's an ark.  I assume this because of the ominous looking storm clouds lingering to the west, and the fact that I haven't heard from God in at least a week.  At least somebody is having luck communicating with him.  He won't return my calls.

They've been hammering away since 6 AM this morning, and from my point of view they are constructing something to the effect of a large wooden box.  Probably one of those assembly-required kits.  Plywood is everywhere.  Other possibilities once this project comes to fruition: time machine, boat shed, indoor swimming pool or Clifford's dog house.

After a kind of reflective day, I am nostalgically collaborating a mental list of things I would tell the 16-year old version of myself.  Of the meek amount of wisdom I have required thus far in my life (it's no more than a handful of ideas, I assure you) I will settle on the following main points. I also like to make lists.

Things I would tell the 16-year-old version of myself:

1.  Don't ever smoke that first cigarette.  You have an extremely addictive personality, and this means that you are destined to become a repeat offender.  You will also encounter problems with the following: bad boys, scratch and wins, online shopping and unrealistic happy endings.

Try to avoid members of the previous list at all costs.

2. Wear sunscreen.  Wrinkles at 26? You better believe it, babe.

3.  Stick to yer guns, lil lady.  Allow me to expand on this (there is nothing I hate more than a cliche... that, and organized activity).   When faced with any decision - no matter how trivial - always make sure that you are making that decision based on best interests, not based on hidden agendas.  Be honest.

4.  Quit the menial jobs without hesitation.  Hey, I ain't no quitter.  But when I think about all of the birthdays, family dinners and vacations I was forced to forgo in lieu of working long, unrealistic hours, slingin' drinks, serving overdone calamari, and deal with an angry Greek boss who reamed me out in public for not punching in a diet coke refill? Not worth it.  Not to mention the state of my feet after a Saturday night shift on the patio.  I'm all for making my money and working hard for it, but make sure to give yourself a line.  Don't compromise yourself.

5. Life is so much bigger than this moment.  Quit sweating the small stuff.  That's gay.

6.  SELL YOUR BEANIE BABIES WHILE THEY ARE STILL WORTH MONEY.  Sorry for yelling.  Just want to make sure you understand the brevity of this situation.

7.  Never kiss on the first date. No exceptions to this rule.  

8.  Don't quit running and/or track.  Dad says you could have made it to the Olympics.  I know we said we hate organized activity, (see number 3) but at least you could have tried for a scholarship. (Hellllo, UND!)

9. Get your Ag degree.  Thirty-year-old men you went to college with are making $12 an hour in the control room at CTV. Enough said.

10.  The pop-punk nightmare phase will be very brief.  PLEASE, for the love of all things good and holy in this world, resist the urge to shop for clothes at MCC and flat iron your hair because you want to look like Avril Lavigne.  Just. Say. No.  Looking back, the baby phat phase wasn't anything to write home about either...